Yay or Nay

I imagine that some of you have been wondering what I think about China. True, I have been providing a lot of commentary about little interesting things I run into in my quotidian life, but I think that I have failed to summarize my generic reaction to the whole experience. Any relationship with China is a complicated one, because in truth we’re not talking about the dynamics between you and your honeymoon getaway. This is no island to been summarily experienced in a week, and really this isn’t even a country; it is a continent.

I think that Rob Gifford in his book China Road put is best. After just having had a conversation with a doctor who worked for the family planning department (i.e. she went around performing abortions for families who were having more children than they should) he was livid with indignation. Of that moment he said, “It’s one of those days when I am simply glad that I am leaving [China].” To be perfectly honest, I have had plenty of such days, and perhaps they have been more frequent because we have been going through our first pregnancy here.

However, Gifford also rants about the enamoring things of China, and there too I agree. There is something about being in this country that has an irresistible tidal effect. I noticed it most poignantly when I was walking through a random suburb. Even though the apartment buildings stand within one kilometer of the campus, I had never seen them before. Apartment complexes really seem to stretch in every direction with unnamed silence. It was a Friday evening, near dusk with a lot of people either coming home from work or heading out for weekend festivities. I passed so many faces that betrayed emotion normally less apparent with mixed expressions of relief, fatigue, and excited anticipation. The simple realization that each of them had life-stories contributing to their current state in tandem with the satisfaction that I was in some miniscule way a part of it, was at once gratifying.

This does not mean I am going to spend my and my family’s whole lives abroad. Even to come back to China, both Lacey and I have agreed that the situation would need to be dramatically different (having an income and a kitchen would be a great start). However when you come to China, it is difficult to be neutral about the encounter. With so much context behind the title “Chinese” it instills in me a feeling of privilege to be among them. Furthermore, the gargantuan magnanimity of everything continues to blow my mind, and when I think about the future of this land, the ends of my fingers itch, as if to grab at it. Contemplation of China in and of itself I have found to be a moving experience that fills me at times with angst, but also with both compassion and awe. You could say that my relationship with the Middle Kingdom is complicated, but I confess to world at large that I am falling in love with China.